You can learn a lot about your kids by simply turning off the TV and talking. For example I discovered that mine are really boring.

*comes home from work *wife jumps in my arms *sees I’m crying wife: Why are you crying? me: You just crushed all the Oreo’s in my fanny pack

Do you have a go-to joke to tell someone who is clearly having a bad day?

Some people think cancer jokes are over the line… I think they grow on you

Why did the console gamer faint when they visited the art gallery There were too many frames

I could tell by the scowl on her face that her patience and botox were wearing thin.

Don’t bother entering the sail-raising contest at the boat club. It’s rigged.

The sign said: FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH, but I doubt it.

I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10