Do you know why it’s called the Holy Land? Because it’s full of bullet holes.

Why couldnt Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.

I keep making Freudian sex, I mean, slips.

Ghost hunters use special cameras made specifically for taking soulfies.

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for a double entendre… So he gives it to her.

In Iraq why don’t they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day? The camel gets too tired.

There’s no i in denial.

DEMON: [roars] KNEEL, MORTALIT IS I, BAELROTH THE SPOON-HIDER ME: omg what’re u gonna do to me? DEMON: werewere you not listening just now

What do you call a smoking hooker? A hookar.

Him: You’re married? Me: Well, it’s Thursday. So, yeah. Him: What about on Friday? Me: Depends how Thursday goes.