GF says my bike helmet looks ridiculous, but I’d rather be “uncool” than fall and crack my head open in the middle of having sex.

How do you kill a circus clown ? You go for the juggler

Overall productive day.. *Ordered Batman boxer briefs & matching knee socks *Called my mom *Bought an Xbox game, & a goat, on Craigslist

Obama:*sits down and whoopee cushion makes fart noise* what th- JOE Biden:*tears in his eyes, points at trump* HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SIT THERE

[knocks on neighbor’s door] HI CAN I COME TO YOUR YELLING PARTY

“Buttocks! Sexy sexy buttocks! Introduce me to your buttocks! My name is Tony!” – from my new song, “Dusk in Vienna”

The most valuable lesson I learned from Hey Arnold is that it’s okay to punch mouth breathers in the face.

What do they eat for breakfast in africa? Ebola cereal

What’s easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Woman

Clones are people two.