I failed every subject except for algebra. How did you keep from failing that? I didn’t take algebra!

What do you call it when a hooker farts? A prostitoot.

Why does Skeleton Soup taste so poor? It lacks body

What do you call a cheat sheet you use for a Philosophy test? A Nietzsche-t sheet!

I ask WebMD to diagnose the weird brown mole I just noticed. “1. Is it delicious?” …Yes? “2. Were you eating Easter candy in bed?” …Oh.

Girl, you be the British and I’ll be Paul Revere…. I’ll be riding and you’ll be coming.

i don’t think women should stay in the kitchen… i mean, how are they supposed to clean the rest of the house from there?

I have beiber fever; every time i hear about him i get sick.

Two fish were in a tank… and one says “How do you drive this thing?”

Your Momma is like Communism no class