A friend of mine asked if you could catch AIDS from a toilet seat. I said, only if you sit down before the other guy gets up.

The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don’t want anymore children living on our street.

what if princess leia went to the dark side? then she would be luke’s sithter

I’ve done some pretty stupid things while I’ve been drunk, but in alcohol’s defense, I’ve done a lot of pretty stupid things sober, too.

How did Kanye West ask Kim Kardashian to marry him ?? “will i marry you?”

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to try anal She said ‘Sure’ and then put her finger in my butt.

I didn’t know it was Earth Day I’m usually in the dark on it…

I wanted to make a porno with a ghost…. But he only did boo-kake

What do you call a mexican drug dealer? MariJUANa

Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison? The headline said “Small Medium at Large”