I told a girl a joke. She said, “Don’t quit your day job.” I said, “Thanks, I’m a comedian.”

I don’t always drink tequila but when I do, where the hell are my clothes?

All I ask is that when I’m murdered, you make my chalk outline four sizes smaller.

I need puns about tea! (Herbal and medicinal tea) for the chalkboard outside my sisters shop. Please help? Something better than R2Tea2

What’s the quickest way to clean semen off a poodle? Seriously. I need to know because my mother-in-law is due back home in about 20 minutes.

When is it okay to punch a midget? When he stands next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice.

Want to hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud

What’s the worthless piece of skin hanging off the end of a penis? A man.

How many fugitives does it take to fix a light bulb? 1/3

What is the worst part of being a pedophile? Fitting in. No? Too old for childish jokes? Sorry.