“we want to talk” Somebody knocks on door: – Who is there? – Police? – What do you want? – We want to talk. – How many of you are there? – Two. – So talk with each other.

A man named Isaiah with 2 eye patches changed his name to Saah No I’s

Why are books the only thing advertised as “Wherever books are sold.” You can’t sell other stuff by saying “Wherever you get this shit, IDK”

Why did the Duck flying in the sky get Shot? Michael J Fox was hunting rabbits.

That one day of fame on Facebook when it is your birthday.

Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear.

A doctor walks into a bank to make a deposit. When he goes to sign the check, he realizes he’s scribbling with a thermometer. “Oh, that’s great,” he says. “Some asshole’s got my pen!”

You can’t run through a campground You can only ran, because its past tents

If I swollow A weener whole, will it come out the same way? I feel like it would be really good if that happened.

What do you call a Mexican hooker who doesn’t charge any money? Fritatas