You are the toothpaste to my orange juice.

I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey… …but then I turned myself around.

Just beat Guitar Hero on expert in case anyone is looking for a virgin to sacrifice before midnight.

Did you hear why Rosie O’Donnell got arrested? Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack. – OPRAH AND AIRPORT SECURITY

What do you call a Mexican Jedi? Obi-Juan

A boy was sent home from school… And his mum says to him ‘that’s the second time this week you have been sent home because students were giving you handjobs. Maybe teaching isn’t for you.’

First cannibal: I can’t find anything to eat! Second cannibal: But the jungle’s full of people. First cannibal: Yes but they’re all very unsavory.

Next on CNN, 600 hours of guessing what happened to a plane.

What do you call a fake noodle? ImPasta

I like my men like I like my coffee: I don’t like coffee.