When the smoke detector goes off, it’s time to flip the grilled cheese sandwich.

Why did Adele cross the road? To say Helllllooo from the other siiiiide. My daughter came home from school with that one.

Sometimes I keep Facebook open in two tabs to remind myself I’m worthless.

My Boss called me immature today so I gave him a wedgie and made fun of his ugly family.

How do you get a Jewish girls number? you ask her to roll her sleeves up.

AudioPhiles be like .mp3, .wav, .flac

How to be popular on Pokemon Go in New York. Go in a middle of Manhattan while playing Pokemon Go and yell with the top of your lungs; CHARIZARD ,CHARIZARD!!

My brother and I own adjacent farms The other day he rode over to complain that I was growing marijuana on his side of the fence. I told him to get off his high horse.

The word ‘mortar’ has 2 different meanings. As I discovered today when the house I built blew up.

If a man and a woman get married in Tennessee then move to Texas and get divorced… Are they still brother and sister?