People are like snowflakes. When they pile up on my car windshield, it’s difficult to drive.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 RAPED 9!!

Did you hear about the eagle who could catch a squirrel with only one claw? He was very *talon*ted

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: “You must be single.” He got fired.

What is it called when a chemist has a really great winter break? Litmus

[me on phone with mechanic] Car won’t start. I think it’s the battery. Or power steering. Could be a fuse. Wheels, probably wheels. Engine.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming ? Here come the elephants

Don’t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.

How do you kill a hippie? Tape a hula hoop to the bottom of a pool

Hear about the first Polish Olympic gold medalist? He was so proud, he had his medal bronzed.