What is Italian-American foreplay? “Hey! Wake up and roll over!”

Probably already been done but… What is wrong with a humorless person? A broken funny bone. I’ll leave now.

Math and sex… sex is like math: you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope you don’t multiply

Woman always call me ugly until I tell them how much money I earn Then they call me both ugly and poor

What’s the difference between jam and marmalade? You can’t marmalade your dick down your girlfriend’s throat.

Q: What’s red and really bad for your teeth? A: A brick.

I was going to tell you this joke about Matthew Shepard… …but I’m kind of on the fence about it.

When the doctor told me I only had six months to live, I killed him violently with his own pencil. Worked a treat. Got me twenty years.

Why are there ants on my toilet seat? Because of my sweet ass.

Give someone fire and they’ll be warm for a day. Throw someone into fire and they’ll be warm for the reat of their life.