What did the redneck get on his SAT? Drool.

A man sees a woman 500 feet in the air… He asks her “hey, do you know anything about parachutes?” She says “No. Do you know anything about gas stoves?”

What do you call a resounding period? A standing ovulation.

Did you hear about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they couldn’t understand.

When are we going to change “til death do us part” to “for the next five years” ?

Why did the Siamese twins move to England? So the other one could learn to drive. Courtesy of the movie “Man on the Moon”.

Girl was towelling her wet pussy, she enjoyed it and started rubbing it vigorously… Until the pussy cried MEOW and ran away. Always be kind to animals..!!

Hate when the grammar police single me out like some kind of which hunt

How to cow tip: First, sneak up behind the cow. Next, get into a wide stance. Finally, slip the money into it’s bell.

My local steak house serves nothing but vegetarian bc cows are vegetarian