Harambe and Cecil the Lion walk into a bar Bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” They respond, “Two shots, please.”

How did the sloth become President of the tree? He slept his way to the top.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.

You catch more flies with honey, even more with a dead body and way more with honey on a dead body.

If I see you selling weed, I will call the cops…. and report a robbery across town….. then come over and buy some weed. Safety first.

Why was the desperate teen spinning in circles around the hot chick? Because he really wanted that beyblade.

I’m not a recluse, I’m just playing hard to get with society.

What would you get if you crossed Bill Gates with Louis Leakey … a philanthropologist.

I’m sorry. I had your Sharona confused with mine.

My girlfriend started pms-ing today. I thinks it’s just a big ovary action.