What’s the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.

I’ve always had an over-active imagination. Like that time I found myself drowning in an ocean of Tango it took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. To be read: *seven ate nine*

What floats, is very-very heavy and carries a variety of flavours as a payload? A *Souper*tanker! Simmer on that! – I say!

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas.” Later… “All I want for Christmas is you.” EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.

Did you hear about the mathematician who became a monk? One evening he was solving a trigonometric equation and then he saw a sine.

My friend collects scoliosis journals He has *back* issues.

Dear #Athiests Evolution could never design and create a machine that consumes scraps and produces bacon

A kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette & told him so was talking to strangers.

Did you hear about the football player who went to jail? He went in a tight end and came out a wide receiver.