In what town lives the mathematician who can only multiply by two? Dublin.

You know what they call alternative facts that are true? Facts.

Dead Baby Joke Whats the difference between a rock and a dead baby? You Can’t fuck a rock

When’s ladies’ night at the Mexican restaurant? Taco Tuesday

i bet you spend all your money pizza and hookers. Pssh Dad, i dont spend money on pizza thats ridiculous.

For every male action, there is a female overreaction…

Doctor: ok, just need a urine sample & we’re done. Me handing him my boxers: I’m in a rush. Just wring these out.

Q: What’s E.T. short for? A: So he can fit in his space ship.

What’s the difference between a crackhead and a methhead? Toothless methheads give better $3.50 blowjobs

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.