How does a skeleton call her friends? On a telebone.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

How do you know if the moon is waxing or waning? If it’s waning you’ll get weally weally wet.

What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They get to smell the goods but they never get to eat them

What do you get if you cross human and goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo

Tomorrow is the 4th of July which means one thing, it’s going to be a really big day for nail art Instagram photos.

When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa… … not screaming in terror like his passengers.

A guy walks into a bar…. ….with a pile of shit in his hands and says hey, look what I nearly stepped in…

During sex, my wife is a screamer in bed …That is when I walk in on her.

I almost didn’t remember today was September 11th Then I felt bad, because I said I’d never forget.