What do you call an expert at making ship parts? A master master.

My cat told me he’s old enough to move out on his own now but then he said nah I’m just kitten

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

Why don’t they teach sex-ed and drivers-Ed on the same day in the Middle East? Because the camels can’t handle it.

I finally found out why guys get married because wives are cheaper than spending all you’re money on whores.

Shoutout to my grandpa. That’s the only way he can hear…

Dear Face Book you keep offering up people for me to friend, but then you get all concerned and ask me how I know them. You can’t be the pimp and the cop!

Why do Russians love Pho so much? Because they’re so…viet.

I fell in the mud. And took a shower right after!

A termite walks into a bar… He says, “Is the bar tender here?”