Farted in front of my Jewish boss today. He wasn’t impressed. It’s not like a little gas ever killed anyone.

I hate double standards. If a woman has sex with loads of men she’s a slut. but when i do it that makes me gay?

What’s long, green, and smells like pork? Kermit the frog’s finger

if u switch the m&e at the end of memes it spells meems which has the same pronunciation

Say at cat ‘Im rubbin ur belly’ while rubbin belly, ‘Im pattin ur head’ while pattin head, else never learns anatomy, becomes Texas senator

Undecided voters are the same undecided people we hate for holding up the buffet line.

What did the perverted scientist say to his colleague? If you need me, I’ll be in my Lab.

Fish sticks? Do you like fishdicks? Do you like to put fishsticks in your mouth? You’re a gay fish.

Without me it would just be aweso. Just saying.

Did you hear about that guy who got killed in a rice field by a hitman with a porcelain doll? Police are saying it’s the first known case of a knick-knack-paddy-wack.