Why did the Indian pedophile miss work? He was feeling a little Sikh.

[starts Power Point presentation titled “Why I’m Breaking Up With You”] Him: Wait, what the–? Me: Please hold all questions until the end.

I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it’s a terminal illness.

My grandpa died peacefully in his sleep I can’t speak for everyone else in his car though

Looks like I’m going to need to have the “drug talk” with my daughter because this ecstasy she sold me is NOT working.

I said to the shoe salesman – I’d like to return these shoes… They’ve got holes in them! Shoe Salesman – Hmmmm yes, that certainly seems to be the Crocs of the matter.

Did y’all hear about the circus fire this weekend? Yeah, scary stuff… they say it was intents.

[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this? [next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?

Why did the scientist get punched in the restaurant? He ordered some NaCl.

A really big joke… r/jokes