New Internet acronym: RALSHMICOMN Rolling Around Laughing So Hard Milk Is Coming Out My Nose

Now I have 2 accounts a friend suggested I retweet myself when I’m bored. Sounds like my sex life at the moment

I got caled into jury duty today… That’s going to result in a well hung jury.

Baby’s first knock knock joke Knock knock Who’s there? HaHa! You’re never going to get this one!

My wife uses an entire bottle of dish soap when she washes the dishes every night. Another day, another Dawn

What do all failing students in New Orleans have in common? They are all below “C level”.

RIP Boiled Water You will be mist.

What does a proud computer call his little son? A microchip off the old block.

What’s white and gives you a solid 9+ inches that gives you a workout every time? Snow Storms

My wife left a note on the fridge that said “This isn’t working I’m going to my mom’s” I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I’m not sure what she was talking about.