What is the difference between Spiderman and Superman? Peter Parker can swing a web. Clark Kent.

Democrats are the sexiest party… Because no one wants some elephant

A large hole was found in the middle of the city. Officials are looking into it.

I don’t know what NBC showed last night.. But it must have been awesome, everyone is sporting their colors now.

I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. “Did you notice I’m wearing a suit?” “Yes”

which 2 insects are the most foolish? ant-ticks

Me: You need to eat vegetables instead of candy if you want to be tall. 4-year-old: I’ll just be small and happy.

Your mom can deduct mouthwash and contraceptives as business expenses on her tax return. Because she’s a ho.

Man: You’ve brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn’t believe in Hell.

If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine.