What do you call an intelligent Saudi Arabian woman? Target practice

A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre… so he gave it to her.

What do you call a tissue that is sleeping? A napkin

How do you catch a peculiar rabbit? Unique up on it.

If you tell me to make myself at home, don’t be surprised when I take my pants off and drink all your vodka.

Ordered a side of fries with my meal and the server forgot and they never came. I have been wronged before, but not like this. Not like this

I’ve asked a question, ignored the answer and been too ashamed to ask again, way more times than I’d like to admit.

I’m pitching a prison dating show called ‘America’s Next Top Bottom’

[interrogation] Where were you last night? “Out killing people” Louder for the tape [leans in] “The Cheesecake Factory, that’s where I was”

Venus Williams should marry Bruno Mars and become Venus Mars.