I learned something new about Hordor (GOT SPOILERS) He’s Canadian.

I’m not a pessimist. I’m a depressed realist.

Hard work pays off in the future but laziness pays off now

Want to hear a sports joke? Lance Armstrong

Why do they call it PMS Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

I’ve removed swim with dolphins from my bucket list. Mainly cos I can’t swim and drowning with dolphins doesn’t have quite the same appeal.

What do an old cars and pasta have in common? They’re both al dente.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird? A: A gulp. It’s like a swallow, only bigger.

Don’t bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.

Where do religious cattle go to eat? Out to pastor.