Dogs are all “huh?” while cats are all “ugh.”

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he’s a fan of anti-jokes.

Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.

What is a pirate’s favourite letter? He doesn’t have one. He’s illiterate.

A Tough Question, by Jon Stewart If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most? Leeks

What is a Thai person’s finishing fight move. Bangkok.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? You wouldn’t pay $200 to have a lentil on your face.

I do all my addition in my head. It’s the thought that counts.

“Sensitive” guys who only retweet chicks, you’re not fooling anyone.