I get bi with a little help from my girl friends.

What do you call a pie who made his own ears? A pioneer

I really hate seeing old people fall over, it makes me feel so bad. Maybe I should stop tripping them over.

How do you make holy water? Boil the *hell* out of it.

My friends and i wanted to dressup as the Pokemon Trio today to play Pokemon Go… Unfortunately our friend Brock was too busy chasing tail, so it got cancelled.

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations.

Saw a boat with a sign that read “For Sale” so I added the missing “-ing”…………………… Idiots.

Do you remember blowing Bubbles as a child? He told me to tell you see said hello.

For $100,000 I will come into your organization and evaluate whether the other consultants you’re working with are idiots.

I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ’s. If I’m gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable.