I took my grandma to one of those fish spa’s where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.

I faked a cough to get out of work. I tell myself I wasn’t lying… I was just being SARScastic.

Nice tan. I’m guessing your mother is white & your father’s a sweet potato?

Martin Luther King may have had a dream, but Chuck Norris had a body count.

Robin Hood went to see a doctor… …he was diagnosed with Menintightis.

A Jewish Boy Asks His Dad For $20 Surprised the dad says, “$10 dollars?! What the hell do you need $5 dollars for?!”

I really could use some steroids. My balls are just way too big.

I know this guy just hit the walk button, but I’m gonna hit it again b/c he looks like an idiot who can’t do anything right.

What do you get if you cross a giant ship with the Internet? The Site-anic.

TIL Amedeo Avogadro died of skin cancer. He never got that nasty mol checked.