The people in this spin class are looking at me like they’ve never seen a girl with a helmet before.

How do Soviet prison mates greet each other? Gulag to you too.

“We’re out of options, I’ll have to use the jetpack,” I said, strapping on the jetpack and ignoring many non-jetpack options still available

Premature Ejokeulation What do you call it when someone puts the punchline to a joke in the title?

When you’re trying to be cheesy But everyone around you is lactose intolerant

If your nose runs and your feet smell….. You’re built upside-down.

If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it’s called domestic violence. In the country it’s called sibling rivalry.

I’m going to stand outside… So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

A reporter interviewed a 103-year-old woman. “And what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

flames on the side of your car screams i want small children to think im badass but i want parents to know im not financially stable