Your body is your temple is a really terrible proverb to promote chastity. Literally anyone can come inside a temple.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to begin eating itself, as it was the less painful way to die.

Tried to “Catch ’em all,” but who wouldn’t get sick of that imperious little prick Pikachu always referring to himself in the third person?

Telemarketer: Are you a homeowner? Me: How big are your lips? Telemarketer: …. Me: Your lips. Are they huge? *click*

What’s a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? COMET

[working in garage] “Hand me a screwdriver, son” A flat one? “No” [mixes vodka and Orange Crush] Here ya go

The racist dove Married a racist hen And together they started A coo clucks clan

FDR said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” He should have said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself and polio.”

Where is the best place to have anal sex? A cemetary, freaks a woman out a little bit, makes it that much tighter…

What is the longest sentence that a man can make? I do.