Since they won’t vote anyway, Obama should make the GOP look bad by nominating a bald eagle holding a picture of Jesus to the Supreme Court.

Italian Knock knock Knock a knock – who’s there – Ayatollah – Ayatollah who? – Ayatollah you already.

If a Rastaman ever wants to tell you a story… Don’t bother, they just Babylon.

The other giraffes watched and giggled as Herbert got to button number 87 on his dress shirt before they told him he started one button off.

How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one? You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE

Please don’t ruin Breaking Bad for me… I’m only at the part where A texts Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily

How to survive a beat attack Run faster than your wife and kids

When in history was there ever an abundance of birds and a shortage of stones?

A wind turbine asks his friend what his favourite genre of music is To which he responds: “I’m a big metal fan.”

It’s impossible to ruin our friendship with sex. It was ruined the moment you called it a friendship.