How do you make a woman go blind? Put a windshield in front of her.

My roommate made me a copy of the mail key as if she’s ever seen me pay a bill

I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger Then it hit me

I was throwing banana peels at other cars because I’m out of turtle shells, officer. Duh.

What do you call a church leader of the Flying Spaghetti Monster religion (Pastafarianism)? A pasta (pass-tah)!

What’s brown and runny? Usain Bolt

I’ll tell you a cheesy joke? I don’t like cheese. :0

Ladies, if you don’t want to answer a question from a guy, say, “I already TOLD you. You never listen.” We have no idea if you’re lying.

I’m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.

To single moms… To single moms, I feel like the saying “easy come easy go” has an entirely different meaning.