Why is Rob Zombie good for the health of Redditors? They see his AMA and turn off the computer.

Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.

These tweets are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.

The two most valuable lessons I’ve learned in life: 1) never reveal everything you know.

My wife said I’d look good in a beard, I wasn’t sure… But it grew on me!

yo momma so fat her shadow engulfs all of manhattan

Who’s a modern pirate for the 21st century? Neckbeard!

Just bought lean chicken breasts instead of hot wings for supper because I’m a stupid fucking mature adult.

Me: oil change plz Toyota: it’ll be $39 Me: cool heres my $2 off coupon 4 hrs later T: ur steering wheel fell off total is $2900 sign here

TENS OF PEOPLE DIE EVERY YEAR FROM TIGER ATTACKS! JOIN THE MOVEMENT! #Tony2012