In California, there’s just “pot” at the end of the rainbow.

‘Is this spicy?’ ‘Is this spicy?’ ‘Is this spicy?’ ‘Is this spicy?’ ‘Is this spicy?’ ‘Is this spicy?’ – White people at Indian Buffets

[me as a cop] Me: Mrs Hill? Woman: yes Me: it’s Ms Hill now Woman: huh Me: ur husbands dead Woman: h-how? Me [hand on her shoulder]: he died

What kind of bees make milk? boo-bees

Have you heard the news about corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines!

Study shows that people eat more bananas than monkeys I don’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey!

i was going to tell a gay joke… buttfuckit

Don’t forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else’s house and telling everyone it’s yours, then closing the post office.

How many letters can you wear on your feet? 10 E’s

FOUNDER OF HOGWARTS: okay, so we all know there are four types of kid. brave, smart, evil and miscellaneous. SCHOOL BOARD: yes, continue.