What did the illiterate man say upon realizing the couch he just purchased was made of fake leather? Oh for faux sake!

They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that’s why I surround myself with lazy people

Did you hear about the linoleum factory in France that exploded? The locals call it Linoleum Blown-apart.

Getting hit by a sound wave a couple of times won’t affect you. Increase the frequency however… And it hertz

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming? Paul stop monkeying around!

SiriusXM is broadcasting NASCAR because there’s nothing more exciting than listening to people drive.

My cousin is having trouble with the mods on Reddit… …he’s my cousin twice [removed]

[Doctor’s Office] Dr: I’m not going to candy-coat this…. Me: *misses bad results of test because I’m imagining a coat made of Skittles*

A bee just landed on my cheek and didn’t sting me. I think we’re dating now.

My shy father was killed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key.