How many Latvian to eat potato? soldier

[Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*

why was the 6 month old African baby crying? (updated) “Cuz he just got dunked on!”

I wouldn’t say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed but when they cry the tears run down their back!

What does Jeb Bush say on the toilet? Please crap

What do you get when you cross Hilter, the Terminator, and Cthulhu? Don’t stick around to find out!

No, YOU didn’t tighten the cap on my urine sample

If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood.

What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s head as it hits the windshield? It’s butt!

Use “damn it” instead of “dammit,” but avoid cursing unless OH SHIT DAMN IT WHO FORGOT TO GET FUCKING COFFEE.