I don’t mind hopping on the bandwagon every once in a while, but seriously, it’s 2010. Buy a fucking car already.

What do you call a midget with leprosy? A leperchaun!

It’d be fun to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off that first mask.

Me: Don’t spit at your sister! 4: I’m a bunny. Me: Bunnies don’t spit. 4: I’m an acid-spitting bunny.

A schooner, a clipper and a junk sail into a bar, All hands lost.

A man tried to write with a broken pencil… But it was pointless

Did you hear about the new emo pizza? You just make fun of it, and it cuts itself!

Set a man a fire and he’ll stay warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he’ll stay warm for the rest of his life.

A pirate walks into a bar…. with a ship’s wheel in his pants. The bartender asks him, “Doesn’t that hurt?” The pirate replies, “Arr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

I was having sex with this girl, and she said some other guy’s name. I was pissed. Who the fuck is Rape?