older man discovers the subreddit showerthoughts one afternoon….. That evening discovers phones is not waterproof.

Had sex with a socialist girl a little while back. Think I’m gonna need to see a doctor. whenever I pee, I start to feel the Bern.

An Olympian walks into a bar and says “damn”.

A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked but don’t worry, another study says you’re just being paranoid.

How much coke did Charlie Sheen snort? Enough to kill two and a half men.

What do you call it when a group of Germans give you money online? Kraut funding

I’d prefer to read Yelp reviews from the kind of person who would never write a Yelp review.

Why’d the pervert cross the road? He couldn’t pull out of the chicken

What’s 7 inches long and hasn’t been sucked in over 4 years? Whitney Houston’s crack pipe.

Jesus one said: “he who lives by the sword will die by the sword” Apparently Jesus loved crossfit