How can the eurologist tell if he is looking at a man or woman? Well, there is a vast difference.

People always ask me, where do I come up with my status’, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.

[preppin for rap battle] *pops retainer out* dont wanna give him any ammunition *takes off suspenders* that should do it *rollerblades away*

People say Millennials are entitled… but have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?

How do you greet the cold horse across the fence? Howdy Neigh – Brr Made up by my 4 year old son.

Why didn’t the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans? Because it was soda pressing.

My daughter, filling out a college app, called me at home to get my home number. Big shout out to the ex-wife for pissing in my gene pool.

I see that software legend Photoshop is turning 25 this week. Actually, it’s turning 38. It just looks 25.

Billion dollar idea: Tea bags that are actually wine bags. Slogan: You already act like you’re God, now turn water into wine like Jesus!

Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested… …charged with battery.