Board Game 10: *reading card* Mama! Name 3 rappers! GO! Me: Saran, aluminum foil, & cellophane! *beaming* 10: *laughing* OMG! Me: What?

Santa claus may only come once a year… But when he does he does it, on Dasher! On Dancer! On Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!

I’m not going to heaven because I’m afraid of heights.

A man asks god… Man:”Why did you make women so beautiful?” God:”So you would love her.” Man:”Then why did you make her so dumb?” God:”So she would love you.”

A priest checks into a Hyatt… A priest checks into a Hyatt. Asks the front desk, “Is the porn channel disabled?” Guy at the front desk replies, “No, you sick fuck. It’s regular porn.”

Washed up Yo mama is just like yo mama jokes, washed up and old.

NSFW My friend told me how much she hated sucking dick. I said I’ve never done it so I can’t felate.

Why are shopaholics so hard to help? They can be very “clothes”-minded about the problem.

Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had? A: A mandate to govern.

Why aren’t there any asprins in the jungle? The parrots-eat-em-all.