I like my men like I like my neutron stars Hot, dense, and degenerate.

I moved to the south, people are different here. I started a conversation with a midget, but had to walk away. He was a little racist.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? [NSFW] The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. Didn’t make this up, credit goes to the morning show I was listening to this morning.

Immigrants after Trump’s election be like… [removed]

I finally realized I could no longer keep my broken money making machine. It just didn’t make cents.

Wife: Why the hell did you buy a buffalo? Me: I’d rather have a buffalo and not need it than need a buffalo and not have it.

A boat carrying red paint, and a boat carrying blue paint, both crash into each other. The crew are now marooned.

Why can’t you play UNO with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.

I told a Catholic girl my penis is named Jesus… …because it always rises on the third date.

When someone invites me to their house and I see more than 2 cars parked outside it I keep driving just in case it’s an intervention for me