“knock knock.”, “Who’s there?”, “Allah”, “allah who?” “ALLAHU AKBARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!”

My wife caught me checking out the nanny the other day. She fired the nanny. Then she told me no more sex for a year! I said, “You’re firing the maid, too?”

The worst thing about pedophiles is… …they’re all fucking immature assholes.

I wish Fox News was just news about foxes.

What’s Donald Trump’s least favorite music band of all time? Foreigner.

If the camera adds 10 lbs. & Mirrors don’t lie..Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror? It defies logic

If there’s a pistachio that’s difficult to open, I’ll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper

You know what they say about Dragon jokes They Dragon and on

I went to visit my Grandpa… My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support.

What happened when Moses went to Mount Olive? Popeye got pissed.