I spent all night wondering where the sun went, but then it dawned on me…

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan? Take away their little brooms!

I’m Italian, but I’m not “save a princess from a weird dinosaur looking guy, with my brother Luigi” Italian.

your mom is so stupid…. when I said it was chilly out she ran out the door with a spoon

My dad beat me so hard. Our priest asked him for some tips.

I’d like to say the best moment of a woman’s life is giving birth, but it’s actually seeing an old nemesis and realizing she got really fat.

How was the Grand Canyon created? A Jew lost a penny (incoming angry comments)

If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer you’re going to jail.

I’m sorry I don’t speak any English -me when someone starts talking to me

I was gonna make a joke about hitting the gym …maybe tomorrow