I wanted to make a lame pun thread about fish. But its not the right time or plaice.

What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion? A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye.

How do redditors get their water? From a well, actually

How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ? Not three, my basement is still dark.

Q: Why won’t a bike stand up by itself? A: It’s two tired.

I chose not to act when a bunch of pinnipeds gatecrashed my outdoor party. I sealed my own fete.

How does a ghost eat a hotdog? By goblin it. Sorry

What are all sports in Africa called? The hunger games

Dear Kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents. Love, Julian Assange – *WikiLeaks*.

I bought some Velcro shoes so that nobody can make fun of my velcro wallet anymore because now they will match