What is the most common phrase in a gay bar… Can I push your stool in?

Welcome to the hotel. Your room has a queen sized bed, dresser and nightstand, all of which you will have to move to find the one outlet.

Don’t give karma whores a butter joke… …they might spread it

I’m still confused as to why I was arrested for stabbing the starbucks barista in the face when she didn’t know what a large coffee was.

What show depicts a new pair of Jordons getting ruined? African American Horror Story

If you blow out the kid’s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.

Today I went to the protest The protesters aren’t going to mace themselves

joke what did the porcupine say the first time it had sex ? ouch ooh ouch ooh ouch ooh. what the beaver say the first time it had sex ?……. gee Wally that kind of hurt

“Let’s watch TV and talk about it on the Internet.”

I love Christmas lights! … they remind me of politicians. They all hang together, half the buggers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright!