Racism doesn’t matter Watch Close your eyes *person closes eyes* See? We all black now!

Baby seal walks into a club… …

I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.

5 steps to a happy marriage: 1. Doritos 2. Oreos 3. Pez 4. Mr. Noodles 5. Oops this is my grocery list. 6. Still applicable.

(CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I’m up against?

What has 108 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk? My Zipper.

Mail order bride I just got a mail order bride from prague, I guess you could call her a Czech mate.

I was invited to a party… ‘Black tie only’ was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled*F@CK ME*…what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life…

Women are the only people who can go out broke and come home drunk.