What did the kleptomaniacal compulsive liar say when his beekeeper friend asked him what he was running away with? “None of your beeswax!”

Take it easy on the anti-semetic jokes. Take it easy on the jew jokes please. My grandfather died in a concentration camp during WW2. Apparently he fell off a guard tower during shift change.

Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny? Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other.

Date advice to women from a guy: Laughing makes you 100 times more attractive than makeup.

Boston walloped with snow again. If you think traffic is bad here… think about how bad it must be in Seattle with all those bandwagons falling over.

Yoda says words out of order because his college English class was at 7 am. He never went once – “very early, it is” he would say

Did you hear about the Texan who moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of both states?

What’s the difference between a cunt and an asshole? According to the latest polls, about 4%.

What did Michael Jackson say at the bank? “Make that change”

What is made of Brass and sounds like Tom Jones Trombones!