Beauty is only a light switch away. That is all.

When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions.

What’s the difference between Kim Kardashian and the Titanic? Ones full of dead semen and the other one is the Titanic

Why do burgers run the gauntlet? To test their meattle!

There was an M&M in my spaghetti.. He was an M Pasta

hey ther delilah wats it like in gotham city is the joker stil in jail– sory– i mean– u look so prety yes u do batman is not as cool as u

What’s the difference between Audi drivers and a cactus? Audi drivers have pricks on the inside

I don’t understand the hate for man buns I think they’re top knots.

This is your captain speaking THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING

What type of people do vampires like? Type O positive people.