What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings? I’m sari.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has.

Old man Manelli is cooking a chicken on a rotisserie in his front stoop When a hippy walks by. He stops, looks up and says: “Hey man! The music stopped and your monkeys on fire”

Some day I have a victim mentality But it’s not my fault

I can swallow two pieces of string and make them come out an hour later tied together I SHIT YOU KNOT

What do you call hot women in France? Tourists

Why did the electrician multiply distance and voltage? Because he forgot his voltmeter at home.

8: ow ow ow ow ow me: what are you doing? 8: looking for my toy me: why don’t you turn your light on? 8: i can see in the dark me: carry on

Took a random unmarked pill I found on the floor because times are tough and no matter what happens it’ll make for good tweets.

what’s black and white and red all over a nun with a harpoon through her