What do you call a chicken takeover of the government? A coop.

“God is good all the time!” Yeah. Not you though, Russ. You sucked for 55 frigging minutes.

People on this plane got so uptight when I used the bathroom to change into my PJs. Llike they’ve never seen a man in a nightgown before.

Guy asked me today if I’ve ever owned a dog. I was like lmao yeah I own dogs all the time they can’t even say shit back

What’s a nice thing about having a black boyfriend? If you decide to try anal, and you get shit on his dick, no one will notice.

Who farted?

Welcome to the celebrity impressionist club. Please take a seat, there are plenty of Chers. I’ll see myself out….

I recently bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Your wife will always agree to let you go out and get drunk with your friends and as long as you’re smart and don’t go.

I’ve got a new job. I’m helping out a one-armed typist whenever she needs to type a capital letter. It’s shift work