Why does carbon monoxide smell like fjbsjko

Probably the rudest thing you can do to a stingray is catch it with a fishing pole and then fly it like a kite.

[speed dating] *girl sits down* “hi im melan- QUICK A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAPPENS WHAT WEAPON DO YOU USE “wha- CORRECT ANSWER WAS KATANA. NEXT

What is Hannibal Lecter’s favorite Jane Austen quote? **”There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart.”**

There’s a bizarre irony to jokes about Ebola going viral.

what you call a Chinese man with a camera? Phil ming

I used to be dyslexic but now I’m KO

What’s the best time of the day? 6:30… *hands down*

How are hanging upside-down and getting a boner alike? All the blood goes to your head.

My old man got admitted to a psychiatric hospital today. He had set up a traffic detour through his house. I should have seen it coming, all the signs were there.