How’s havin’ a dick? It comes in handy.

What do you call a 1 ton toilet? EL-ton John

What did the baby corn say to the mommy corn? Wheres pop corn?

I’m watching TV My grandfather walks by: What’s on? Me: Soccer Grandfather: Who’s playing? Me: Austria-Hungary Grandfather:And Against who?

What does it take to break a Nokia phone? Microsoft.

My wife saw someone kill horses in Minecraft and she is making me build a Minecraft memorial for dead Minecraft animals.

I’m learning about imaginary numbers… I can finally plot my sex life.

My son walked in on me and my wife “wrestling” on the bed. We call it “wrestling” because he can’t pronounce jiu-jitsu.

Families in horror movies: *A ghost eats the dog* Hmm probably just the wind. Me at night: *floor creaks*THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED BURN IT DOWN

Best jokes from movies What are you best jokes you have heard in a movie?